Misery

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

*sniff*
I sat on the front steps of the big building--mansion, I guess--inconsolable. I was just getting used to the fact that I was going to be a father; even now it seems crazy. I wiped away a stray tear that slid down my face.
But then this happened. I would love to blame it on the fact that I'd come to America--that maybe if I'd stayed in England that I could have avoided this, but no. It happened everywhere. And I couldn't even get back to Birmingham to see my family; if they'd even survived. And then there's my ex, and my baby. Where are they, now? My ex hadn't come on the trip to Mexico to shoot, so I don't even know if she was here when it happened. When everyone rallied at the mansion, you can bet I went around the whole place looking and calling for her, and asking people if they'd seen her. No one had.

I took a deep breath and blew it out through my mouth. I ran a hand through my hair, and stood up, pacing the long porch. The adrenaline made my legs jelly, so I leaned on the porch railing, looking out at the surrounding area. The yard that surrounded the mansion was untouched; beautiful, even. There was little beauty left in the world, so it was kind of refreshing. I studied it for a while, looking at the way the flowers stretched towards the sun, and the way the plants were perfectly manicured to the curve of the Terra-cotta path. The little pentagon shaped tiles snuggled up to one another, and dark brown dirt peeked through the grout. The path curved away from the mansion in figure-eights, with boxed plants in the empty spaces. Palm trees, shrubs, and colored flowers bloomed like crazy in the heat.

Oh, the heat. I'm British. Heat isn't my thing. I squinted my eyes as a hot breeze swept across the porch. It was annoying, but at the same time, it made me feel alive. It wasn't long before sweat beaded up on my forehead, and I was forced to wipe it away with the back of my hand.

[Japanator]

I S A B E L

The balcony at the front of the mansion was my favorite part of the historic building. Apart from the sad faces of the people that milled about on the ground, it was a beautiful sight to be seen; the manicured grounds, the plants that soaked up the afternoon sun. I could almost pretend that I was royalty, and I was standing on the balcony of my own palace - the people wandering were servants or nobles or whatever. I could almost pretend that the air that hung around the mansion was not filled with sorrow and loss, but with anticipation and excitement for the future. Nevertheless, whatever my reality, I loved the balcony.

My palms hung loosely over the edge of the railling and my forearms rested on the top as I stared down at the people who wandered about this afternoon. I understood their pain. We had all lost somebody. Family, friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives...kids... The only ones I truly longed to find were my parents. My mother and her husband Brian. He wasn't my birth dad but he'd been around long enough to earn the title. I missed them terribly, but what could I do? Everyone was searching for someone. And one person alone had little hope of finding someone in the chaotic new world that we lived in.

As I stood pondering this, my eyes wandered down below me, to the mansion's vast front porch. A younger man stood gazing out as I was. He stood out in the crowd. First of alll, he was white. Many of the people around us were latino, like myself. We were in Mexico after all; or what was Mexico. Of course, these days, few people were where they lived before the attacks. They'd caused most of the world to scatter about. The other thing that caught my attention was that he was the only person out here, besides me, that wasn't milling about.

I watched the brown haired young man for a moment before deciding to strike up a conversation. I liked meeting new people and he didn't seem particularly busy. I turned and headed inside, walking down hallways until I reached the grand front staircase. Whomever owned this home before was absolutely rich. I skipped down the steps in my white sandals and white cotton dress and strolled to the front doors. When I stepped out into the heat, I headed straight for the young man who'd caught my attention. He wasn't familiar, so I leaned against the railing next him and offered a friendly smile. "Not used to the heat?" I asked as he wiped a hand across his face.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

My thoughts were interrupted by a voice. I looked up to see a pretty latino girl leaning on the railing. My eyes fluttered to the ground and I fought to keep the blush out of my cheeks. I chuckled and composed myself. "Yeah," I said, looking back at my feet. I shifted my weight between my feet, stealing glances at the girl. "Do you live here?" I said, and then realizing that my words could easily be misconstrued, I added "This area, I mean. Not that you don't look like you could live in a house like this," I gestured to the palace. I should shut up now.

I put my lips together and held them like that, fighting the urge to embarrass myself further. I had a habit of that. I folded my hands in front of me, and rocked on my heels for a moment. "I'm Carver, by the way." That's safe. "Carver Edlund." Okay, stop now. Stop while you're still good.

The rational part of me kind of takes the back seat sometimes. The only good thing about it, is that some girls think I'm adorable. Most of them want a bad boy, though, and I am definitely not a bad boy. My mouth is kind of not really connected to my brain, and my need to please people sometimes just makes it worse. I think sometimes that my brain is overactive. It just goes, and I can't control it. The speech part, anyway.

[/blockquote]

[Japanator]

I S A B E L

Ah, so he was a Brit. His accent was very noticeably British. The boy was funny. That I could admit. He seemed embarrassed, but I smiled so he'd feel a little more comfortable. He asked me if I was from here - the area, not the mansion, not that I 'didn't look like I could live in a house like this.' He pursed his lips and I let out a short laugh. He proceeded to tell me his name, Carver Edlund. "I'm Isabel Perez; Izzy," I told him. "And yes I do live here now, but no, I'm not from the area. I lived in Miami before this." I was sure he knew what I meant by that so I didn't go into detail.

I looked at him, "What about you? Straight here from England, or did you live anywhere else?" Suddenly my mind went to Big Ben and the streets of London and I wished I could go there for a shoot. I glanced up at tje balcony and walked to my room in my mind where my camera say on my bed. I wished I had brought down with me.

I looked back at Carver, resigning the fact that my camera would have to stay upstairs a little longer. Besides, I couldn't start snapping away at the people milling by whilst in conversation with Mr Edlund.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

I'm Isabel Perez. Izzy, she corrected herself. I smiled at her. "That's nice," I said, turning my eyes to the ground. I did, however, steal a glance at her to gauge her reaction to my words. Some people didn't like their names, and I didn't know if she was one. I assumed she didn't care much for her real name, since she went by a nickname.

She said that she did live here now--I guess we all did at this point--but she wasn't from here. "Miami. I do believe I've heard of that. Where exactly is it?" I asked, risking feeling stupid. She then asked about my origins. "Uhm, well yes, sort of. I was raised in Birmingham, England, which is sort of right smack-dab in the middle of the country. About two hundred miles give-or-take from the coast on either side. Closer to the west coast," I said, talking with my hands. When I realized I was doing it, I clasped my hands behind my back, and gave her an impish smile. "Or, it was anyway..." Whoops, awkward moment. Just keep going...

"And then I hit university age last year, and I moved here to New York to go to the New York Film Academy. I'm a director," I said, rather proudly. "I was down here for a project with the university students in my year when it happened," I said, taking her cue not to talk about the attack. I gave her a knowing look just in case she didn't understand what I was talking about. "So what is Miami like? I've never been there..." Again, risking feeling thick. If Miami still existed, I wondered why she didn't try to get back there.

[Japanator]

I smiled at his compliment. "Thanks." Carver told me he'd 'heard' of Miami, but didn't know where it was. I stifled a laugh and tried to hide my surprise. Who didn't know Miami? Brit. I smiled again and looked down for a moment. "South Florida," I said. "It was a popular tourist spot, beach town...or rather the big city of Florida." I paused, the clarified, "The capital was Tallahassee, though, at the top, the panhandle if you will." I lifted the corner of my mouth in a half smile. I was starting to feel homesick again but I relished in the memories. I never wanted to forget my home. One day, the new generation would ask about how things were and those of us who survived would be there only connection to the old world.

Carver started telling me about his true home, Birmingham. I watched as he waved his hands around, talking about it. Suddenly he hid hands behind his back and smiled. I realized he was embarrased for talking with his hands. Then he corrected himself for talking about it in present tense and I let my smile fade. Hm...both of us had lost our homes. So many had...

He then quickly segued into school and told me he was studying in New York. "Oh, you're a director?" I asked with enthusiasm. I turned so I was facing him and leaned one arm on the railing. "I'm a photographer," I said, my smile returning. This was something I could kind of relate to. "It's not quite the same, but, yeah..." I shrugged.

I was going to ask what made him want to be a director, but he beat me to the punch with a question about Miami. I took a deep breath. "Huh, where to begin..." I'd never had to describe Miami before. "Well, like I said, it's on the beach. It's pretty big, and very busy. I guess maybe like London in that way? Um, and there are a lot of tourists and surfers. But it's also pretty big on crime too. I used to love the palm trees though, and the big buildings..it was a great place to take pictures." I hesitated. I was doing the present-tense thing. "That's what it was like," I added. "I always wanted to go to New York though. That must have been cool. What got you into directing?" I asked.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

She smiled when I said that her name was nice. I smiled back, encouraged. When I said that I'd heard of Miami, her expression changed. Was she laughing? No, trying not to. My smile faded. Whoops. I guess it was a bit more of a risk than I thought. South Florida, she said, looking wistful. "Oh! I know where Florida is," I said, relaxing. Finally. I knew something. "That is below Georgia," I said, rocking on my heels. I smiled, relieved that I knew something. She went on to tell me about it. Big city, tourist trap. I felt even worse that I didn't know much about it. "Was it hot?" I asked, wrinkling my nose.

Izzy lit up when I said I was a director. "Yes, and also a videographer. A filmmaker, if you will. Junior filmmaker." Izzy said she was a photographer. "Oh, that's nice! I dabble a bit with photography, but it's not my main focus. Not that there's anything wrong with it," I said, talking with my hands again. I folded them in front of me. Bad hands! Stay, I scolded them. It's not quite the same, but, yeah... Izzy said, shrugging. I chuckled once. "It's close enough for the purpose of today's conversation," I offered.

After I asked her about it, Izzy began to explain Miami.

Well, like I said, it's on the beach. It's pretty big, and very busy. I guess maybe like London in that way? "Yes, that sounds like London." Um, and there are a lot of tourists and surfers. "Ooh, surfing. I've always wanted to try it, but I'm not a strong swimmer..." But it's also pretty big on crime too. I used to love the palm trees though, and the big buildings... it was a great place to take pictures. That's what it was like, She corrected herself, dropping out of present tense. I smiled, "It sounds like it was a well rounded, and desirable place."

She said she'd always wanted to go to New York. "Yes, New York City was a lot like London, but a lot louder and flashier. The outer ring of it was more like Birmingham. Quieter, but still city." She asked what got me into directing.

"Well, I've always kind of lived in my own little world. I see it differently than other people. Most people see a rock, and they see it as that. They live by the saying 'if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck'. Well, I don't. I see a rock, and it could be a tiny civilization of a miniature race. Some people just call me juvenile..."

You're getting off track, Carver.

"Anyways, how this relates to directing. I wanted to let people see the world the way I do. I wanted to show them that the rock isn't just a rock, if you will." I blushed. I hoped I hadn't bored her. And that she wouldn't think I'm crazy and just walk away.

[Japanator]

That is below Georgia. I smiled and nodded. "That's right." When Carver asked if Miami was hot, I shrugged. "Um...well, yes it could be. Unless there was a nice sea breeze, South Florida is pretty much just humid. It wasn't quite as hot as it is here." Carver explained that he was not just a director, but that he also did videography. A film maker. It sounded fascinating to me, something I could be really interested in if I could ever put down my camera long enough to pick up a video camera. I was sure that his studies in New York must have been exciting. It was a shame he wouldn't be able to make movies now... I felt sad for his loss. Maybe he could make short films.

I told him about my photography and he told me he dabbled. When we moved back to the topic of Miami, he told me he had always wanted to try surfing, but he couldn't swim well enough. "Didn't you live near the coast in England? Or close enough to try it? Or do you have surfing there..?" I wasn't very savvy when it came to life on the 'other side of the pond'. Huh. I guess I understood his lack of Miami knowledge a bit more.

We switched back to directing and he told me in his british accent, which made it sound more poetic, why he loved making movies. I could sense his passion when he spoke and it made me want to snap of picture of his expression right here. You always regret leaving your camera behind...

"You sound like a photographer," I said with a smile. "It's interesting, generally photographers say they want to show a different side of something, and film makers say they want to tell a story, but we're kind of opposite." I thought about the reasons I got into photography. "I like to capture emotion in my pictures, and tell about the subject through them. Most of my photographs are of people, strangers mostly, but I like to guess what kind of person they are and what they're thinking." I hesitated. "And I try to do it without being creepy."

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

Score! I got one right. I tried to picture the shape of Florida in my mind, but all I got was that it was long. I could see the vague shape of North America (or what it used to be) in my mind, and I could see the long strip of land coming out of the bottom on the east coast that was Florida. I'd kind of wanted to go there when I got to America.

Back to earth. Um...well, yes it could be. Unless there was a nice sea breeze, South Florida is pretty much just humid. It wasn't quite as hot as it is here. I nodded. Humid. England was pretty humid, with all the rain and being small and surrounded by ocean. "Speaking of it being hot here, would you mind if we go inside? I'm sweating so much, I'm going to dehydrate," I said, joking. I dragged a hand across my forehead dramatically. I started backing towards the doors, still facing her. I prayed that I wouldn't back into something and look like an idiot.

Back on the topic of Miami, Izzy looked confused when I told her I wasn't a strong swimmer Didn't you live near the coast in England? Or close enough to try it? Or do you have surfing there..? I shook my head. "No, like I said, I lived in the center of England. Most of the beaches in England are down on the bottom, about 150 miles south of Cardiff. Er, were. There was a real pretty beach that I visited once when I was twelve in Kent. It was small, but it was nice. There was a pier, and we went fishing..." I trailed off, remembering.

I talked about my interest in film making, and Izzy smiled and said I sounded like a photographer. It's interesting, generally photographers say they want to show a different side of something, and film makers say they want to tell a story, but we're kind of opposite. I smiled at her. "Yeah," I said with a small laugh.

I like to capture emotion in my pictures, and tell about the subject through them. Most of my photographs are of people, strangers mostly, but I like to guess what kind of person they are and what they're thinking, she paused. And I try to do it without being creepy. I laughed out loud. "Well, that's good. I... don't happen to video people. It's mostly me and my friends making short films..." I said, thinking of them. I pictured their faces in my head. I missed them. Genuinely missed them. I felt my face fall, and I made and effort to smile again. I didn't want to get weepy on her.

[Japanator]

Speaking of it being hot here, would you mind if we go inside? I'm sweating so much, I'm going to dehydrate. I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, no problem. Let's get something to drink." I stepped up beside him and we started inside. As we walked he corrected me on the coasts of England and the location on Birmingham. "Oh. Right, duh," I smacked my palm to my forehead and closed my eyes briefly. "In Florida, everyone is close to the coast. I forgot the rest of the world is different." I looked back at him with a half smile. The state of Florida was narrow, so everyone there was a short journey away from any of the beaches that lined the coast. Truth be told, I preferred Sarasota beaches to Miami, so I'd occasionally drive north to Siesta Key. It had the most beautiful white sand. It was also crowded a lot, but not nearly as bad as Miami. Nope, not much could compare with Miami.

I explained my love of photography and telling stories. As I talked, I realized I would have made a pretty good photojournalist. I could write...right? Huh. Maybe I'd give it a try sometimes. Maybe the head honchos at Government Camp would need my impeccable skills one day. Inside, I laughed at myself.

Carver said he never videod people and I laughed out loud. "Are you trying to insinuate that I'm a creep?" I elbowed him in the arm as we walked through the front doors. The air conditioning was nice, but I was sure it wasn't going to last. It didn't matter though; winter was on it's way.

Carver went on to say it had just been him and his friends making the short films. I nodded, thoughtful. One thing about photography was you were pretty much alone in your work, especially my way. I did miss my studio back home though. Doing portraits for people, even working with up and coming models and helping them get their first shots done. I was a people person. But I did love getting out and just shooting. Pictures, that is.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

I smiled at her. "Yeah, cheers," I mumbled as we walked inside. The cool, air-conditioned building was like heaven after the humid heat of outside. I sighed contentedly, letting my head fall back against my shoulders. "That's lovely."

Oh, right, duh, she murmured, and smacked her head. I chuckled briefly when she mentioned how in Florida everyone is close to the coast. "You would think so, wouldn't you, what with England having been one little island. Then again, every continent was an island, essentially. But yes, England was bigger than most people give it credit for."

I sighed, thinking about my little big island. Yes, it was most of the time rainy. Yes, the government was restricting, power happy, and way too much in everyone's lives. But also, it was beautiful. Because of the rain, everything was always green. We had some pretty beaches, great countryside, and we were one of the world's leaders. We did pretty well. If it weren't for us... well, I would say there would be no America, but that's not true. They just wouldn't speak English.
And hey. We have Doctor Who.

When I said that I never videoed strangers, Izzy laughed and elbowed my arm. Are you trying to insinuate that I'm a creep? "No, no! I was just saying, I'm not... outgoing... enough... to video people without their permission. I'm too British," I said, chuckling, and looking at my hands. I glanced up at her face to see if she would take it wrong. There I go, being too British. I guess that could be a good thing, though. At least I'm not rude.

[Japanator]

We walked inside and Carver seemed immediately more content. He leaned his head back, enjoying the air conditioning. I laughed, sympathetically. He was not made for Mexico, that much was certain. Although, I guess it wasn't Mexico anymore. I wondered when people would stop referring to the camps by their old names and start to forget. It would be a long time, I was sure. But one day a new generation would live in these very places and never once refer to San Felipe as 'Mexico'. Would the camps become new cities? How long would it take to rebuild towns and cultures?

I stopped my idle thought and tuned into what Carver was saying about England versus Florida. I smiled. "I'm sure if I'd been there I'd have a better picture in my mind. But all I have to go on are pictures and television clips. I'm sure it's the same with you and Florida." My grin turned mischievous. "However, I have a feeling you wouldn't have taken well to the humidity there. Though it was better than it is here..."

Carver seemed worried that he'd offended me so I grinned back at him. "It's fine, I understand. I'm just messing with you." Carver definitely had an adorable quality. I felt like we could be friends. He'd probably need someone to stick with anyway. He wouldn't do well trying to communicate with the locals. Luckily, I knew some Spanish.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

I'm sure if I'd been there I'd have a better picture in my mind. But all I have to go on are pictures and television clips. I'm sure it's the same with you and Florida. I smiled, and nodded. "C.S.I. Miami," I said, laughing. "Even now, I can still see the dramatic camera shots of the Miami skyline. I always envied the lucky few who got to video from a helicopter. It's one of my dreams. I love shooting wildlife and landscapes. I'd always wanted to go to Africa to video the wildlife there; lions, hippopotamus, gazelles, and the like. I guess I'll have to make do with what's left..." I said, sighing at my luck. Izzy made a comment about the humidity in Florida. I shrugged. "It's not the humidity, necessarily, that bothers me. In fact, England was quite humid. It's the heat, especially paired with the humidity, that gets me."

Izzy laughed, and said she was just messing with me. I laughed along, though inwardly relieved that I hadn't upset her. Although, photographing random strangers was a bit creepy, to be honest. I felt like this could be a good friendship, regardless. She was nice, and we had things in common, even though we came from two different worlds. I, the quaint English city of Birmingham; she, the all-or-nothing night-life city of Miami. She, a (I assume) self-taught photographer; I, a schooled videographer and director. Still, this could be a good friendship.

[Japanator]

CSI Miami. I laughed. Oh what a way to represent the city. True, it was high crime and parties and everything CSI Miami showcased in the series, but there was more. Carver started talking about the skyline and helicopter shots. "The skyline was amazing. The beaches too." I commented. He moved his conversation to Africa. "I would have loved to go to Africa!" I knew exactly what he meant when he spoke about the animals. "I know...although I think I'd be with the locals a lot, too, documenting their lives." That was truly what it was about for me. Documentation, preserving a piece of someone's life. One day when they were gone, there would still be something left that spoke volumes about their personalities and lives, all in a picture. After all, the saying is a picture is worth a thousand words.

Carver revised to say that it was the heat more than the humidity that bothered him, or rather, the two combined. I nodded, showing I understood what he meant. Although, I could handle heat pretty well. Now that cold was another story. I felt like this was one area where Carver and I were opposite. I was certain he was missing the cold of England right now. We turned toward the large kitchen and I headed toward the fridge. I was glad for the massive generator that was powering the mansion right now, but I wondered how long it would last. It couldn't run that long, right?

I dug around for a can of Dr Pepper and turned to Carver. "Preference?" I asked. The cold air from the fridge rolled out and cooled me down. Hmm... it wasn't so bad...for a moment anyway.

[nouveauchevall]

Carver`

She laughed when I mentioned CSI: Miami, and I gave a small, nervous chuckle as I looked down. Was that not the right thing to say? Maybe it was a misrepresentation of the city.

When I started talking about Africa, Izzy agreed with me about the animals, but spoke of the locals too. I clasped my hands together and hopped slightly. "Yes! I would love to do that. Although, I would get their permission first," I said, teasing. I grinned at her to let her know I was joking, and pushed her shoulder lightly.

We drifted towards the kitchen, and Izzy disappeared into the massive refrigerator for a drink. She came out with a can of soda, and asked me if I had a preference. "I don't suppose they have any lovely British tea in there?" I asked, standing on my toes and peering around her. I fell back on my heels. Nope. "A Cola will be fine," I said, sighing. Americans just don't appreciate the simple beauty that is British tea with cream and sugar.

A wave of cold hit me from the refrigerator and it was all I could do not to climb into it. I remembered English winters, snowed in, and hiding beneath my quilt when I was a boy, and dodging snowballs thrown by my mates all bundled up in my coat before I left after graduation.